Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Why I stopped going to church

     I tell people it's my schedule, fact is that's a half truth, which means it's a lie. So I apologize to everyone at my church for saying it. Here is the truth, I was mad at a sermon. This may seem petty and shallow, but after having to comfort my sobbing child after what she heard in a sermon, I just couldn't listen anymore.
     It was a few months ago, I had been going pretty regularly (this is before I had my job, my schedule really does prevent most church attendance). The preacher was preaching on families. He said a few words about equal marriage rights, I thought, I don't agree, but hey, he is allowed his opinion, I don't have to agree. Then he went on, he started talking about what a family should be. I prayed right then, please take a different path, please just SHUT-UP. I thought, why don't we have a children's church... because I knew where he was going.
     See, most people in my church are Christians, married to other Christians, who home school their wonderful Christian kids. They are right wing, they are in the middle class, they are the social norm in our church. Not to say anything negative, I love the people there, they are some of the nicest people I have ever met. I feel safe among them. Some of them are my friends on Face Book, they know my stance on things. Have I ever gotten one disparaging remark, no, they are the best of the Christian community, and have cemented my love of Christ, I can't say enough good things about them.
     They aren't like me in one important way though, our upbringings, our families are very different. Yes, I am unequally yoked to an Atheist, yes I am liberal in my social issues. I don't home school, we are poor, and both me and my husband come from a shady past. On this Sunday the pastor said that a home should be two Christian parents. My daughter perked up, she knows Stephen isn't Christian. He said some more on the subject, I watched her. He said non-believers went to Hell, I watched as her face fell, and tears sprang to her eyes. He said the best home is one with a Christian mother and father. She whispered something to Grandma... and that was it for me, I was angry.
    So what if it's true, does my 6 year old need to hear that her Father is going to Hell, or that her parents made a mistake in getting married. Anything else the pastor had said was now washed away by my daughter's tears, and all I could hear was this sermon.
     We discussed it later. So I read to her out of Corinthians

1Corinthians 7:12-14     
To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

    She had a ton of questions, we talked for a long time, at the end of it she wasn't much better. I understand that adults can deal with things like that, but she is all but a baby, why couldn't the man have just left that part out. I'm not sure how people will feel after they read this, but the fact is, until my daughter is old enough to deal with such painful things, I can not let her hear things that will wreck her. Things that teach her fear instead of love, hurt instead of hope. We should rejoice in faith, not be sad.
     I hope in the future I get up enough courage to say all this to my pastor. I feel he is a kind man, and will try to be understanding, but part of me thinks he will laugh at me... Silly heretic, of course your daughter needs to hear her Daddy is going to Hell. I really miss my church friends, and hope I can get over this fear soon. I still wouldn't be able to make it every Sunday, but at least I wouldn't be scared to go.


  1. U need to speak to ur pastor right away let him know what it did & have him sit dwn with u & ur child & tlk about ill be praying for u and ur family

  2. This is why religion is wrong. This is why I found my way out and my children will never hear these things. I like your blog a lot!

    - @imtoridee (Twitter)